January is not a favorite month of many. There are the blahs that occur after the
holidays, cold and bleak weather in many areas with more dark than light, flu
season adds to a negative perspective, and for many there is the chemical
component added that makes January a volatile month.
I wrote in my last blog about changes coming down the pike
for those dealing with mental health issues.
But with this one I’m bringing things back to a personal level, or an individual
level, anyway. Depression reigns supreme
during this time of year, with many individuals who fall within “normal” on the
mental health spectrum spiking a bit in the area of the depression. But for those who fight chronic depression
due to bipolar or clinical depressive disorders, this time of year is quite often
and quite literally a killer.
Personally, I am currently in month three of severe
depression that is indicative of my particular experience with bipolar. Every year I go about seven months with
depression with it varying from mild (chronic down in the dumps) to fairly
extreme. I have to be very sparing with
antidepressants as they tend to cause mania and usher in a mixed state that
feels like my thoughts and emotions are fragmenting and fighting for supremacy,
a download of multi-moods fueled by excessive aggressive energy. So, I have had to come up with non-medicinal
ways to keep the circus under the big top.
I think that the following is adaptable for any level of depression,
chronic or no. I’ve found these methods
to be tried and true, but you should determine such for yourself.
First, I continually remind myself, no matter how things
look or how I feel, that my mental state is temporary. And when I can’t do it for myself, I have a
husband, sisters, and a mom who remind me, that, no I’m not dying, that it will
get better, that I am loved, that I am in fact not as ugly as I see myself, and
that my life does have meaning even though I don’t see it. But no matter what they say, even if they say
nothing, I have to enter into this time of year with the mindset that what I
perceive as reality is jaded through the lens of depression. And I have to make myself accept that what I
am thinking and feeling is most likely not reality. I HAVE TO BE WILLING TO ACCEPT THAT WHAT IS
POSITIVE HAS A PLACE, AND WHAT I AM THINKING IS REALITY, IS IN FACT DISTORTED
AGAINST ALL I THINK AND FEEL.
Second, I have to minimize expectations of myself. If I expect myself to perform at the level I
do when I am not depressed, I am going to add to my depressive state. And I have to not look at what others are
doing and expect myself to compete. I
know, after years of dealing with this, that I cannot. I give myself grace. I must.
I know that my sleep requirements increase dramatically. That is just the way it is. My body and mind have to have much more sleep
to combat physical and mental stressors that ensue with this time of year. I GIVE MYSELF GRACE TO UNDERACHIEVE AND
SLEEP.
Third, I take time for myself. As a person who was single for the majority
of life, I have a very firm grasp on the importance of time for self. As a mental health professional, I know the
value of inner reflection and time with Abba.
As a person with mental illness, I know the necessity of quiet and
reflection to check on functioning ability and stamina levels. I have put yoga and mindfulness practice back
into my exercise routine as main events.
I have no desire to do either, being extremely low on both motivation
and energy, but I find they contribute significantly to clarity, something that
is necessary to the mood storms that tend to blow through. I TAKE TIME TO INVEST IN MYSELF.
Try these three things.
If they are not practices you normally employ, you will find you have a
full plate, with just three. And the
whole point here is to NOT have a full plate this time of year, so try one at a
time. I will add one more thing here to
keep things real for you and for me.
Depression is a very selfish illness.
You have to feed it for it to grow.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There
are chemicals that create it, but if you are continually focusing on all the
things that make an environment conducive to being depressed, you will find it
will thrive, like a well-fed parasite. I
know from personal experience that trying to see the good, the bright, the hope
of things is like trying to drive against a 60 foot wave, but the point here is
to not let it get to 60 feet.
Right now, I am battling physical and mental illness. Fatigue is the order of the day for me from
morning to night. I know I cannot
realistically maintain what my mom terms as ice cream thoughts rather than
pickle thoughts throughout the course of my day, but I make it a point to catch
myself a few times a day to reframe what appears as bleak into what is
positive. Right now I’m thinking how
very tired I am, that I have no energy to finish laundry, get the intellectual
work done I need to, and still have time for my man and my boy when they cross
the threshold. STOP. I don’t have to do all the laundry, just the
load I’m working on now. I only have to
get this blog written and set up a couple interviews. And if I get some yoga done, it will help me
have focus and stamina to welcome my two guys home. I may not be a stellar conversationalist, but
I can welcome them, tell them I love them, and let them know dinner is in the
works. Oh yeah, dinner. Hmm...One thing
at a time.
On the spiritual front, I confess, Abba is close to me even
when I don’t communicate much. He and I
have traversed severe depression for decades.
He knows me better than I know me, and there is great comfort in having
one in my life I can go to for directions about me. You either understand what I mean here, or
you don’t. I can explain no further except
that I have a comfort in that that no medication, practice, or amount of sleep
can provide.
If you are struggling with the darkness of depression, light
gray or black as night, you are not alone.
I am right in it too. I have
given some ideas here that work for me.
They are referenced professionally and personally, but they stand on
their own merit and are the very foundation for fighting depression. Sunny days are on their way...Wait for
them. You will not be the only one.
Blessings ,
L
