A Thousand Years

"I Won't Give Up"

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

I have not discussed my marriage much on my blog.  Mostly it’s because I feel that I have been a novice and the learning curve huge, so I have been doing a lot of learning and not much pontificating.  Now that I am nearly three years into this thing that we are building, I feel I have something to contribute.  I have learned some.  And I have not done it all that gracefully a good portion of the time, but again, I am learning.

I call this summer, actually this year so far, but the summer in particular, our summer of adversity.  Challenges from every angle have been hurled at us, and we have stood like Mr. and Mrs Smith with our backs together, weapons loaded, and have defended home.  Sometimes Chris gets hit, and sometimes I get hit, but I have decided I would wage war every day with him than be without him. 

I am really a romantic at heart, but the things I find most difficult to express are the feelings I experience, too strong to even explore much less express.  I beyond love my husband.  The word is so overused, and in our short marriage we have been stretched beyond reasonable to the point that love could not live without faith, hope, trust, endurance, respect, and a whole lot of grace to gird it.

I have been looking for our song since the beginning, and I could never find it.  But this Jason Mraz song is it I think.  I have always known that I would not spend my life in a relationship defined with white picket fences.  For one thing, I rather thrive on adversity, and I am drawn to others who are steeped in it as well.  My husband is one such person.  What was meant to destroy him has created an old soul that is kind and intuitive, sheltered in a tough and sometimes dangerous exterior.  I love the contradictions in him.  I love that what we have has been defined by who we are, where we are headed, and nothing else.  

The man is written on my heart.  I fall asleep with him in mind, and I wake with the same.  I have learned so much about loving and living from him.  Together we have grown as individuals and as one, as Abba has worked with and in us.  I have learned that it’s not all about me, and sometimes it is all about him.  My outlook is sometimes bleak, but I know that he is there walking with me, and when one of us wants to hide from it all, the other is there to provide shelter.  

It is so easy to give up.  Our culture perpetuates giving up; selfishness and entitlement.  That is not the language of our life.  We, who come from a cynical generation, have been striving to remember what life was like before we found one another and how rich it has become together.  So even if the “skies get rough”; even if they stay that way, I will not to give up.   Sometimes I want to, and I have no doubt he feels the same, but I think we have reached a place at an age that is past reckless youth where we know we chose one another for good.  We could have continued on with our lives as they were, but after nearly 40 years, we chose something new.  We chose the life we have regardless of its challenges, and I’m just so thankful, for better or worse, he chose me.

So, my love, we shall endure.  We shall hang onto that which sustains us.  We will be the best of friends, greatest of lovers, and most attentive of students.  We walk through the storms, the sunsets and rises, and we take what comes, faith and commitment in place, and our ears open to Abba’s leading.  

I have loved you for a “thousand years” and I shall “love you for a thousand more”.  “All along I believed I would find you.  Time has brought your heart to me.  I have loved you for a thousand years.  I'll love you for a thousand more.”  I quote Christina Perri, because I could not write what I feel any better.

L