Some time back I mentioned a show on TNT called
Perception. It is about a brilliant
neuroscientist/professor who helps the FBI and has paranoid schizophrenia. In the last episode I watched Dr. Pierce had
to testify in court, and his information made it difficult for the prosecutor
to get a conviction. As a last ditch
effort, the prosecutor defamed Dr.
Pierce’s character to discredit him by bringing up his illness. I was angered at this and saddened, because
even though it is a television show, the content is so indicative to reality. Speaking of reality...
I made a choice many years ago to be vocal about my illness,
because I wanted to help people who do not have the support structure I
do. In doing so, I have opened myself up
for discrimination and even slander. It
goes with the territory, but it is not always easy to shrug off stereotypes
that go along with stigma, and no matter how much I achieve in life, I am still
very often relegated to being defined as crazy.
While I confess to have crazy moments, it has been many years since I
have taken a committed seat on the crazy train.
I mention the above because I recently was contacted by an
individual (party 1) who had spoken to another individual (party 2), someone I
had a relationship in my twenties. Party
1 had been told I had stalked party 2. I
confess to feeling a bit violated and not sure which answer to provide. My husband was amused at first and said, “Really? That is something a passive-aggressive person
does. You are just not the stalker type.” Then he was angry that someone would slander
me. His anger on my behalf helped me
step back a bit and objectify the situation.
I responded to party 2, in spite of the juvenile fascination
this person showed to get into other people’s private business and nose around,
with a generic response, because I did not feel either party worthy of my
thoughts. But I have been pondering the
impact my being vocal has on such accusations.
I write a blog that is available on the Internet. I share information about dealing with
mental illness both professionally and personally, and in situations where I am
accused of something so far outside of societal norms, my openness about my
illness does not negate such accusations, but rather supports them.
People who stalk are generally delusional. There is a fixation that if fueled by anger,
rejection, or refusal to accept reality.
When a situation arises where one party hurts another, anger and
rejection are normal aspects of pain and hurt, but to exhibit pathological tendencies
there has to be a psychosis in place to warrant such a deviation from behavior
acceptable to societal norms. Rather
often such individuals are not dealing with mental illness but with a
personality disorder of one type or another, and obsession is a welcome
attendant in the field of personality disorders.
My particular poison does not manifest delusion, fixation,
or obsession. My illness operates on the
platform of extreme moods which at one time made me aggressive, not passive, so
my methods for dealing would not be covert in any way. I find it interesting that I watched that
episode on Perception only to have something of similar impact occur in my own
life a few days later. I was reminded
with the combination of both experiences that I cannot control what others say
about me. I share my journey because it
IS flawed, and as such, there is room for those from my past to insert their
ideologies whether fact or fiction, but I cannot stop that. I make an effort not to hold others’ pasts
against them or up to them as a means to reduce them, for I believe contributing
the positive into this world is a much better use of my time, but for some
there is a sick fascination with the negative, and in this particular case,
untruth. It is what it is.
I have no narcissistic need to see myself plastered on
Internet feeds. I am public because I
want people to know that if I can make it, anyone can. I am no one special. I have a good brain and have worked to
achieve academic standing but it was not without a lot of help and support. So, I guess there is a lot of availability
for defamation of character. To the two
parties involved in my above scenario, there is no need to make up
things...There are plenty of things I have actually done that you can use if
you have a need. Just read my blog.
Oh and one more thing as an ironic point of interest, when I was doing
research on personality disorders in my undergrad work, I used Party 2 as a
point of reference :)
L
