Benaiah was a hero during the time of King David and was one
of his mighty men. One snowy day,
Benaiah killed a lion in a pit. He
fought that lion to the death. Now, I am
not a proponent of killing lions; please do not misunderstand...But this man
did not have a gun, so whatever he did in combat with that cat required close
contact. Think of that...
So, in reading about Benaiah, I was thinking of all the
lions in my life and how many of them I have fought to the death and how many
of them are roaming around in my life, making noise and wreaking havoc. Franklin ( 2009) uses this quote, “Courage is
fear that has said its prayers”. I like it.
These stats are undoubtedly biased, but they seem plausible
and I find the idea disturbing. 40% of what we worry about never happens, 30%
of what we worry about are things that are in the past and cannot be changed,
12% of what we worry about is not even our business but someone else’s, 10% of
what we worry about relates to poor health both imagined and real, and only 8%
of what we worry about is actually most likely to happen (Franklin, 2009). I find that pathetic when I apply it to my
own life, because it is pretty close to my worry mentality.
So what do you worry about?
And did you know that worry is really fear? The more I worry, the more I spend my life
bound by fear. I am not walking in
freedom. No wonder I struggle with being
content and find longer periods of time elapse between moments of
laughter.
To begin to stop the cycle I have to go back to what I know
about myself and what I know about Abba.
If you do not have a developed spiritual life, I don’t know what to tell
you about conquering worry and its parent, fear. I see no way in my own finite humanity to
banish to lions of fear and worry in my life.
Indeed, I have tried on my own, and the more I do the more they multiply
so that I no longer have a couple of lions in my theoretical back yard...I have
a pride.
I know that I am a perfectionist, a person of action, and a
problem-solver. These qualities seem
well and good until they are pitted against worry. Worry stems from fear, and fear stems from
something I have little or no power over that is invading my living space. None of the things I know about myself are
weapons that can permanently banish the lions, because so often my fears stem
from my inability to do anything, so solve anything, and my perfectionism
becomes a point of stress.
So I go back to what I know about Abba. I know that he is at the bottom of my
conundrum. I know that because I have
experienced and confirmed in the past that he is there. I know that he does not want me to be afraid
and trapped in a life of worry that disheartens and disillusions me. I know that because even my human loved ones
do not want that for me, and he is much more capable of loving me beyond my flaws
than they are. I know this, because I
have experienced it.
Many years ago the following popped into my life, and it has
had a profound impact on me in times of fear...when I meditate on it, which I
generally hit the worry button first before going to what is promised me...
Fear not; for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your Abba;
I will strengthen you,
Yes I will help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
My worry about finances, a career path that fulfills me and
sustains my mental health, my fears about my husband being too overloaded,
etc., are lions that are making messes in my back yard, keeping me trapped in
my house, rather than out living life.
For when you are trapped by fear, you are not living. You are not even coping; not really. Even the person who can tread water for the
longest time eventually will weary and drown.
I also believe these lions of fear are what keeps us from
being able to embrace change. We become
conditioned to immediately see all that can go wrong and are terrified of
it. People are more willing to stay in
unhealthy relationships because of their fear of the unknown. They would actually stay with being beaten
down and beaten up because it is familiar than step out into the unknown. How very tragic. And pathetic.
I have done it.
I am beginning to deal with the lions in my back yard. I am starting with simply acknowledging them
for what they are. I ask, “What am I
worrying about?” Then I ask, “What am I
afraid of that is making me worry?” Then
I have to choose to go one direction or another. I can choose to stay trapped by worry, or I
can begin to change things. To do that I
am beginning by saying, “I have little faith in anything, but I have a little
faith in you Abba, and I know it is faith enough to move me out of my house and
into slaying these lions.” My head may
be unsure. My heart may even be
uncertain, but I am proclaiming what I choose to believe and I am moving into
what I want for my life. It is a daily,
often moment to moment, process, but I have to make it. I want quality life. Worry, stress, and fear are all lions I
refuse to keep in my back yard.
L
Franklin, J.
(2009). Fear fighters. Lake Mary,
Florida: Charisma House.
