Walk Calmly

I am back to joy.  Well, I’m not back to joy, but I’m back to thinking about having joy.  I know I have addressed the difference between happiness and joy, but I have still not been able to let go of the idea that I am missing out on an epiphany.  Today it finally happened.  What I have discovered about epiphanies is that they come in different sizes.  Today’s epiphany was not a large one, but I think the ripples it will create in my life could end up being quite large.

My family is in transition again.  Some of us are on the precipice of career changes, some of us are moving, but all of us are waiting for the gate to open to let us into the new pasture.  For me, the current placement of my body, mind, and soul is uncomfortable.  I am uncertain about so much, and as I look around at the state of some of the lives of my friends and what they are dealing with.  I find I am tempted to be fearful for what lies ahead for me and mine.  

I know full well, just based on my own fractious past, that life is not easy.  It just isn’t.  So when I think of the great apostle Paul and his confession that he has learned to be content and joyful in all things, I am a combination of skeptical and irritated.  Paul spent much of his life being beaten and in prison, and yet he claimed to be content in all things.  Really?  I can discount his claim and cite it as a negligent translation, or I can look at what he may have meant.  Until this morning I have not been able to do the latter.  

A phrase came to mind from a Stephen Curtis Chapman song, “...walk calmly with our God”.  It began to play on the record player of my mind until I realized that life is a series of events, and my ability to walk calmly through each is directly dependent on my dependence on Abba.  And for me, walking calmly is the impetus of joy through all of life’s successes and tragedies.  

Imagine you are sitting in a chair and there are images floating by in full color.  You see your fifth birthday, your first kiss, the death of a friend, your marriage, the birth of a child, the loss of a child, finding out you have cancer, laughing with your best friend, a divorce, more death, and so on...

These pictures are the moments of your life.  They ebb and flow.  They are not all from Abba.  Some of them are meant to break.  Some are meant to make, but what I realized today, is that I cannot stop or instigate the moments of my life.  I cannot take them and separate the good from the bad then put them in any kind of order other than how they have occurred.  I cannot give them to someone else, and I cannot duplicate them.  What I understand now is that no matter what happens in my life.  No matter what pictures play on my life screen, I have the promise that I can walk calmly through each.

I have decided Paul was not talking about joy and contentment in the sense we generally consider the two terms.  He meant that he is able to walk calmly with Abba, and that calm in the eye of life’s storms produces joy; is the essence of joy.  It is freedom in the midst of crashing containment.  The peace that comes from calm sojourn when everything seems to indicate a need for panic and frantic abandon is nothing short of joy for me...Maybe even bliss.  Why?  Because there is nothing more valuable to me in the midst of the roller coaster ride than to know I am safe, comforted, and I can relax and embrace the calm that comes from knowing Abba is walking right beside me.

Happy 4^th!

L