Desperate Hope

My cousin sent me a video by Louie Giglio, and in it Louie discusses praising God and being jubilant—life is good and there is beauty in all things, but he also talked about another form of praise he defined as desperate hope.  Desperate hope is a form of praise that comes from crisis and not having anywhere else to turn.  As I watched it, I realized I have spent much of my life in a place of desperate hope.  When you are faced with never-ending illness, there really is nowhere else to turn when science has simply not been able to catch up with the compromise.  But desperate hope lives in those traumatized by natural disaster, death, and loss of every kind that pushes us past the point of endurance.  

I have a high IQ.  It is not arrogance to state the obvious, especially when it so often works against me.  My reliance on my intellect as a means of solving life’s conundrums has nearly cost me what I was trying to protect more times than I can count, and in the areas that matter, I am quite stupid.  The older I get the more I realize that the more I know, the less I can resolve, the less I can cope, and the less I understand. 

I know that when we are in the midst of all that compromises us, it so often looks bleak.  I have been there more times than not, and I never cope well.  I never manage to blaze through like a gladiator.  I would love to say I do my Irish/German heritage proud and storm through all the arrows at the front of the cavalry, taking multiple arrows like Boromir in “The Lord of the Rings”, but I crumble more often at the first wound inflicted rather than the last.  And you know what, Abba never condemns me.  He picks me up and carries me, because he loves me.  He never gives up on me.  I see that now after so many years of living in the gutter, because I felt that was where I belonged, I discovered that no matter where I reside—in the gutter or a mansion, Abba’s love for me never changes, never fails, and never gives up on me. 

 

I watched the movie “The Impossible” a while back.  I was so impacted by the tenacity of the people who survived that tragic disaster, and though is is a horrific natural disaster, so many people are in the midst of their own tsunami.  They are being hit by a wall of insurmountable trauma filled with deadly debris.    The force of it is pulling them under, ripping and tearing body, soul, and mind as it pulls them out to a sea of unending despair. 

 Thousands upon thousands of people lost their lives in that tsunami.  The ones who survived grabbed hold of something that anchored them.  It is the same in all disasters.  It is necessary to grab hold of that which is solid and stable in the midst of churning waters.  Refuge and strength are necessary to the human existence.  In my experience only Abba provides the kind of anchor I need to weather the disasters in my life.  That does not mean they go away, but I walk through fire without mortal burn.  I submerge in waters that are meant to pull me under and keep me there without drowning.  I stand firm through winds that would fling me to the horizon.  The reason I endure is because I understand that grace saves me, and that hope empowers me.  

As a rule, I am not a person prone to skipping through the tulips with a big smile on my face.  Many perceive this image as definition of hope.  But my experience with hope is nearly always desperate.  I am generally on my knees, or face down when I use my last ounce of strength to raise a hand and say feebly, “Abba, I will hope in you.  You are all I have.  I have exhausted all my reserves, and now I rely on your mercy.  Do what you will with me.  My faith is in you.”  

I am writing this today, because my heart is heavy with unseen burdens for others and some that have been named.  No physical thing can console; no hug, no word, no deed.  I want to say to those struggling, named or unnamed, Abba loves you desperately, no matter what the world tells you, no matter your experience with religiosity, what you see or perceive.  You can hope desperately that he will sustain you through the disaster, no matter the result.  And if you are too weak, too disillusioned, or just cannot get it, I will be lifting you up, because I know what it is like to have nothing left in a world that puts so much stock in having it all. And I know what it is like to be done with believing.  So, I will hope desperately for you.  It’s no trouble, because I am on my face desperately hoping most of the time anyway.

Chris Tomlin is my favorite writing in music.  There is speaking on this video before the song...Give it a chance, as this is the best version.

Hoping,

L