The Happiness Myth

Hubby had an assignment last week in one of his classes where he had to write an essay on happiness.  I answered some interview questions he had, and it got me thinking about the term “happiness” and beyond.  

I think I have mentioned this before, but I do not believe that happiness is a state of being.  I believe it is an emotion.  I think contentment is a state of being, as is disillusionment, as is balance.  Of course, of the three, balance is less easily defined and possibly more subjective.  

In thinking about happiness I have determined that I have moments of happiness just as I have moments of sadness.  I have had times of despair and times of disillusionment.  See the difference?  This is just my interpretation of terminology based on my own journey, but as a psychologist I have to look at the meaning behind words and try to ascertain whether or not a state of happiness is possible.  Can one maintain a state of happiness for a lengthy period of time?  I don’t think so.  I can see becoming a happiness junkie, looking for that next happiness fix.  Maybe that is not a good or bad thing.  Maybe it is the possibility of becoming a happiness addict that is negative.  

I have known people who spend life thinking there is something inherently wrong with them because they cannot be happy on a regular basis.  I decided, for me, that I would not spend precious energies trying to maintain something that has so often been fleeting.  And in looking at the term “happy,” I begin to wonder about humor and laughter.  Are they mutually inclusive?  Maybe.  Maybe not. 

    

Hubby says I do not laugh enough, that somehow between the years of mental struggle and academic pursuits, laughter has become a scarcity rather than a commodity.  I think he is right.  But, I married a man who is quintessentially funny.  He makes me laugh.  More importantly, he helps me lighten up, and that is not easy, because, I think, I am by nature a serious person.  I am also a cynical person (yet another state of being).  It is possible that either of these states was procured through nature, nurture, or both, but who cares?  

Ever heard the phrase, “I will laugh when it’s funny”?  My issue is that I don’t find a lot of things funny that other people do.  I laugh when something surprises me, catches me off guard…A turn of phrase, an antic I have not expected.  Most media I do not find funny, though I do find a lot of things on wimp.com funny, mostly the animals.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I find humor in a lot of things, but many times it is sardonic, and not often does it make me laugh outright, but I am on the lookout now.  It has been drawn to my attention, and I am looking.

I do not expect to find happiness through others, situations, or dynamics. For me the definition of happiness is this:  Happiness is being in a moment of sensory fulfillment and realizing it—knowing it won’t last indefinitely but also knowing that it does not have to, because one moment of happiness is a flash of light across a darkened sky and a small beacon across black waters.  And who is to say whether or not we would even recognize happiness if not for all the other emotions we experience?  Though, I would not turn down continual moments of bliss, I think there is validity in experiences rendered from moments without it.  I have chosen to embrace those moments as balancing, enhancing, and ever present reminders that life is about the full gambit of emotional experiences.  Whether or not you embrace my chosen philosophy, matters not to individual journey, but I would wager the expectation happiness as a state needing to be sustained could be hazardous to the journey and nearly impossible to attain.  

***I added a little something to promote a moment of happiness...Or a chuckle at least.