So after spending the day working on projects I had planned to complete earlier this summer and feeling guilty about not plunking away at the computer on my dissertation, I felt liberated by my conversation with my professor who encouraged me and patted me on the back whilst kicking me in the butt :)
I am thinking of my extended family today as they had a funeral for my uncle. Life is so brutal, isn't it? Every time I think I am used to the waves it hurls, another one sloshes in, and I find I'm breathing in when I should be holding my breath. I am learning, the older I get, that it is not so much accepting (as I have heard so many say), at least not for me. It's more about acknowledging that with the great comes the not so great, or the other way round.
In my youth I railed at injustices. Now, I still rail, but I also think before I act, and I try very hard to look at all aspects before really asserting myself. And to be honest, much of what I see that bothers me, I have to choose to let go of, because I don't have the energy to fight every little thing. I also have much more at stake that may be impacted by my actions than I once did.
What I have been reminded of this week as I have pondered the fragility of the human existence, is that we were never meant to endure, at least not over a long period of time, and when I look at my own frailties, I can see that what I cannot change is often a part of my nature dying away or dying off. I find I tend to grasp when I should be letting go. And who's to say what we lose of ourselves is not replaced by something better...Like the snake shedding its skin to procure a better fit.
So, that's what I am looking at as I head further into my dissertation and all the things that come with all the different hats I wear. I am looking at letting go of what is dying in me to make room from what may be emerging.
We shall see...
Blessings,
L
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