For me

I guess I should follow up on my last blog. I am now officially single after many years of being fettered. It actually feels really good most of the time. I don't have to carry my cell phone around like it is life support. I get to move to Wyoming if I want without having to consider someone else's desire to move anywhere BUT Wyoming (though I am not currently planning to do that).

I was so afraid of how it would feel when he was gone from my life that I did stop to realize I wasn't afraid of losing him. Does that make sense? When I actually thought about what I would be losing I realized it wasn't much, that most of what had been happening had been about him and his past choices. I realized that the relationship held none of the things I wanted in a relationship. Weird.

I hesitated also because it is manic season for me. I tend to make really big decisions and regret them later. So I waited and my siblings were so awesome, keeping me busy, offering a shoulder for me, and simply being there while I tried to sort through things without obsessing. This time of year I tend to have reoccurring thoughts, day and night. I didn't want to lock in on the situation because such continual repetition leads to paranoia and who knows where from there.

After a few days I realized, in a very rational manner, that I needed to end it for me. I did it for me and though I miss our friendship, I don't miss it enough to be involved in a situation that requires I give up who I am.

To freedom friends,
L